Engagement Ring
On
the flight out of the
counselor's
city, Kristin
and I were sitting in adjacent seats in silence when she, while wearing the
engagement ring that I had given her, suddenly turned to me
and said in a seething voice, "I will be
moaning for Jonah when I'm having sex with him," referring to the 19-year-old
boy at her Baptist college who she had said
is infatuated with her.
Again, I have never hit a woman but felt a reflexive urge to slap my fiancée, who had declared to me while wearing my engagement ring that she will be having sex with and moaning for another man, and send her flying into the aisle, so I gripped onto the armrest in between us to hold myself back.
After landing, I drove our car to the basement Airbnb where we were staying and told her, "You - the alter who told me that you will be moaning for another man while having sex with him - you don't deserve to marry me," and told her to take off my engagement ring and give it back to me. She silently removed her engagement ring, handed it to me, and went to her room.
The next day, we drove to the parking lot of a large shopping mall, where we sat in the car and ended up having an all out shouting match. When I get angry, I get very quiet and focused. I never lose control, but this time, so much venom like the one in the airplane spewed out of her mouth so fast despite my repeated demands that she stop that I eventually lost control and started yelling back at her. That was by far the most angry I have ever been in my life.
This was NOT the Kristin whom I had known. It was the protector alter or another alter who was full of rage, violence, and hatred, not the endearing, lovely and feminine alters who had been Kristin until the two American "Christian" women poisoned her mind.
Love is sacrifice and my first serious girlfriend loved me sacrificially, so I knew how it felt to be loved like that by a woman. Even Kristin's lovely alters never loved me sacrificially. They weren't able to and I learned not to expect them to love me in that way; they were like non-swimmers in the middle of an ocean who were so preoccupied with receiving help to stay afloat that they didn't have the capacity to care about the needs of those helping them. I had to be content with them simply appreciating the love that they were receiving.
The alter now in charge neither loved nor appreciated, and her symptoms were significantly different from those of dissociative identity disorder. Then what were we dealing with now?
Shortly thereafter, she drove off to her Baptist college, and I flew back to China, where I had been invited back for another semester.