Marriage First
After
we returned from the
dissociative identity disorder conference, the difference in our foci became more
apparent. I wanted Kristin to return to the focus we shared until her infamous dinner
with the two American women in China:
casting out all demons and having
all alters
integrate, which would then allow us to marry as we had
vowed to each other and
to God. Kristin wanted marriage first. She
seemed bitter and heartbroken that she had gotten so close to
marriage but that I had taken it away from her,
as she saw it, and wanted me to give back to her what was
rightfully hers.
I repeatedly explained to her that not only does a vow to God need to be kept even if it costs us our lives, but that for any marriage to be healthy, both spouses must enter it spiritually, physically and emotionally healthy so that they can focus not on their own issues but on raising their children in a stable, healthy environment. After the initial euphoria, the pressures of marriage, especially of raising kids, are such that any unresolved issues brought into the marriage by either spouse become amplified and hurt not only the marriage but also the children.
I reminded her of her own words that she only wants to raise boys when they are "cute" between two to five years of age. When I had asked her who then will raise sons until they are two years old and after they are five years old, not to mention daughters, she had told me, "You raise them." I had replied that I was already stretched thin caring for her, ministering to her and working to earn money to provide for her, and that I neither could nor should add the primary responsibility of raising children, which is the primary responsibility that God gave to mothers. She replied that I was just making excuses for rejecting her as a woman, which she said taking away the marriage from her was really about.
This was not the Kristin I had known for the past four years. I also rarely heard from the cute child alters anymore. It seemed like all of the nice alters have integrated and those remaining are the most abused alters who are gripped by and cannot see anything or anyone beyond their own sense of pain, and are distorting the reality to fit it.
Even when I read the Bible to her, to which she at least agreed to listen, she didn't seem to be absorbing what was being read; her thoughts seemed to be elsewhere, and there was tension. Our relationship was at an impasse.
I contacted the lady whose dissociative identity disorder conference we had just attended, shared what was happening with Kristin, and asked her if she could, as an older Christian woman, have a chat with Kristin. She replied that she is too busy to take on another client, but then spent a lot more time than she would have spent to speak to Kristin to instead write out and email several long prayers of renunciations that she advised Kristin to pray.