Alters Integrate
Had
she really been cleansed of all demons and had all
of her alters integrate? How? She replied that God had done it. How did she know that she has been cleansed of
all demons and that all alters have integrated? She replied that she doesn't hear
anymore from any demon or alter.
It was true that it had been a week since I last heard from any of the child alters or heard her make any guttural noise, even when we read the Bible together, which bothers the demons and makes them make noise after a while. But I had been mostly downstairs poring through the literature and the videos of the dissociative identity disorder ministry that claimed to be able to integrate the alters en masse, and actually hadn't seen much of Kristin.
But if she really has been cleansed of all demons and had all of her alters integrate, she really should be jumping up and down with joy and thanksgiving. Was she subdued because all other alters have integrated and the last one standing is a calm alter or one who doesn't know what we have been through over the past four years and what a monumental blessing such cleansing and integration would be?
I asked the Lord again if He had cleansed her of all demons and integrated all of her alters. A few times in my life, I had felt that I heard audibly from the Lord, but this wasn't one of them. I continued to feel that she hasn't yet been fully cleansed or integrated, but was that feeling from the Lord or just myself? If I heard from the Lord audibly, I could tell that to Kristin. With neither His audible reply nor any proof, it was my feeling against her statements about what was happening inside of her. But would she lie to me to get me to marry her and violate the vow that we had made to God to marry after she has been fully delivered and integrated? Perhaps she isn't lying but the demons are lying low to deceive her. But the alters wouldn't go along with the demons and lay low as well, at least not all of the alters...
Something else that crossed my mind was that I was approaching my 50th birthday and thought that if possible, it would be better for Kristin to be able to tell the nosey church women later that she married a man in his 40s when she was in her 20s, rather than a man in his 50s when she was in her 20s.
One thing that I was sure about was that she must not and cannot return to China. I looked up online to see if China's air quality had somehow improved and came across an article that said 4,000 people were dying daily in China as a direct result of its air pollution, which was actually getting worse.
I prayed to God that while I still feel called to the mission field, serving Him was my privilege; He didn't need me or anyone else. If His calling on my life had changed to taking care of Kristin and raising children with her, then I will do that. Lacking any evidence to disprove her words about herself, I will accept it and proceed toward marriage. But if her words weren't true, I asked Him to intervene before the wedding.
I then asked Kristin one more time if she was sure that she has been fully cleansed of all demons and all of her alters have integrated. When she again said yes, I told her that we will then marry, and saw her happy for the first time in a long time, which did make me happy as well.