I Am Sorry
A
little more than a month thereafter, Kristin emailed me to say that she is
again very sick, and asked to be evacuated again from China, saying:
"I have sinned against you and I am sorry. I have not been loving or kind to you. In my hurt and suffering, I have done wrong. I hope you will reconsider being engaged to me and will reconsider future marriage too. I am sorry for putting you through hell and blaming you for my own trial and sufferings. I have died to self but I am under attack. Satan is attacking me sexually and I need help. I am sorry for hurting you. I am sorry for cutting you off of my life. I have been in the wrong. I am sorry for bringing up your sins from before I met you. Please forgive me. I have no right to cast any stone for I am a guilty sinner too. I am sorry for blaming you for my dad’s sins. I am sorry for all my false accusations and I am sorry for speaking evil of you. I am sorry for taking your money, I am sorry for lying to you and I am sorry for forsaking you. I am also sorry that I said to never contact me again. I am sorry for my lack of love. I am sorry for giving up. I am sorry for saying I want to moan with Jonah while I was wearing your engagement ring. I want to moan for you and only with you. I love you and only you. You are my lovely dove… the man who is godly and whom I respect greatly and whom I want to cook and clean for. I miss you and I miss when you hold me and I miss your sweet kisses. You are my soul-mate and the one I desire to kiss and to know. I am really sorry for what I have done. I have made a mess and I am a mess. I hope one day you can forgive me. Deep in my heart I have always loved you but when I felt rejected I lashed out at you. I am sorry I wasn’t there for you when you were sick. I am sorry my heart was cold. I am sorry for abandoning you and blaming you for everything. I am sorry for all my lies. I am sorry for my violence, my ingratitude, my lies and putting you through hell. Please reconsider being with me? Please forgive my horribility? I want to be your future wife and I want to take care of you. I love to make you happy. I want to live with you again and be with you wherever you go. I want you to protect me; I want you to hold me. I want to be with you. Wherever you go, I want to go. Can I live with you again in your apartment? I can read Bible and receive counseling with you by my side. I want to obey you and I want you to reconsider our engagement. You have always been a steady rock and I have been very unstable. Please forgive me."
The next morning, which was a Sunday, she emailed again:
"I do really mean what I wrote. I was talking to God and I asked Him to change my heart toward you and to teach me submission and He did that instantaneously. Even though I desire a husband to love me, it doesn't mean God will grant me that. I have not been grateful to you and I am sorry. I am also sorry for all my lies and how I used you. I was not honest with you and treated you wrongly. My lack of compassion was not right and I repented to the Lord for my lack of love toward you. I need deliverance. There are sexual unclean spirits from my earthly dad. I am willing to be your maidservant without any strings attached. I can cook and clean in exchange for your help. Love of Christ to you."
Her words were great but I had read and heard similar words from her before, many times, so was cautious. In any case, she needed to be evacuated, so I called her and told her that I am willing to fly her out again but this time, she will need to reimburse me for the flight, as I had already paid to evacuate her just two months earlier and wasn't going to pay for a second evacuation caused by her crazy decision to return to China's toxic air pollution. She concurred, so I asked her when she wants to fly out.
She replied that her school is scheduled to pay her around $3,000, including a bonus, three days later on Wednesday; she wanted that money as she had worked so hard in China's toxic air, and asked what she should do. I told her that if she can make it to Wednesday, I will book her on a flight then, and told her to call in sick and either just stay inside her apartment for three days or go and admit herself into a hospital and stay in it until then, get paid her $3,000, and then head to the airport. She said she will do that and hung up.