Sex And Demons
I
also mentioned to her that if we had been having sex, she would be right to
demand immediate marriage. In fact, since Jacob married Rebekah by simply having sex with
her as described in
Genesis 24:63-67, having sex amounted to the consummation of marriage in the eyes of God. She asked if I
was then married to all of the women with whom I had had sex before I was born again. I replied that
those were the sins of fornication, from which I had
repented, not marriages, but she wasn't happy.
It should be noted that our relationship was strictly platonic for many months even after we began rooming together after what happened in southeast Asia, then became romantic after the kiss, but even then, we just hugged and kissed.
Then one day, as we sat exhausted and disappointed after a particularly long and exasperating session of spiritual warfare, she told me that the demons aren't leaving because they are stuck in her genitalia. When asked her what she meant, she said that during spiritual warfare, the demons were stimulating her genitalia to the point just shy of climax and were keeping her frozen there so that she feels like she is going crazy with frustration. If I could stimulate her past that barrier, the climax will release the demons.
What? What was she talking about? She replied that her dad had put demons inside of her and locked them in by raping her, so she needs help getting them unlocked.
That sounded weird to me, but so did a lot of other things about spiritual warfare, and I was so tired and desperate to get the demons out of her that I did stimulate her digitally as she asked. She seemed to still freeze and not climax, but this started a phase when our relationship had sexual contact.
After a while, she asked me to enter her. When I was her age, I constantly thought about sex, but in her case, it wasn't just youthful hormones. She said the only man who has ever been inside of her is her rapist father who hated her. She said she wanted me, a man who loves her, to be inside of her. She also said that she is insecure, worried that I will leave her, and needs to be affirmed as a woman, especially since I had slept with so many women in my past. How could I sleep with all those women, most of whom I say I didn't even love, but not with her, whom I do love? She cried and begged me to enter her.
I told her that I understood, that she is beautiful, that I love her, and that I want to enter her. But we are Christians now so I couldn't, not until marriage. As desperate as I had been to get the demons out of her, I should not have heeded her request to stimulate her digitally the first time. Once that barrier had been crossed, she continued to ask me from time to time to affirm her and to enter her, and I continued to decline. But I did stimulate her digitally from time to time to affirm her. I never asked her to stimulate me, and when she did, always stopped her long before and without climax, as it wasn't for my own gratification. I also wanted to wait until all of her alters are integrated as I didn't want to have sex with any child alter still in her.
She was grieved because I wouldn't enter her and marry her, and the Holy Spirit was grieved because all sexual contact before marriage is sin. After each such episode, we confessed our sins to the Lord and sought His forgiveness. But as the episodes became less and less frequent, Kristin increasingly felt that I was rejecting her as a woman, became discouraged, unhappy, and withdrawn from me.